I was once in a constant battle. My dreams, my desires, and what I wanted versus what people might think or say about me.
I've always been a selfless person, always a pleaser. Willing to do just about any and everything to make someone else happy. I did everything from re-arranging my schedule to cancelling my plans to accommodate others; never wanting to disappoint or let them down. I didn't want anyone to be upset with me. I was often taken advantage of. And of course, this left me disappointed and heart broken. It mattered to me that everyone was happy. Until one day, it dawned on me that I was pleasing everyone but myself. But why? Why had I allowed myself to be last?
My quest for an answer would take me on a journey that I would have never imagined. I began to understand that although I was strong for everyone else, I lacked a sense of self-worth or value for myself. I figured that if I stayed busy helping others that no one would notice that I had my own insecurities. I didn't love myself enough to put ME first. In fact, I didn't love myself at all. Sure I looked like I had it together on the outside, but on the inside I was a mess. My journey of finding myself and learning to love myself involved many sleepless nights, heartache, pain and anger. Any frustration known to man, I experienced it.
But baaaabbbyy, let me tell you, there is nothing like an "A-Ha" moment. That moment when God speaks and everything becomes clear. That moment it seems as if a light switch is turned on and you finally get it. That moment for me was clarity; and in that instant, I learned that I matter. I learned that for me to be happy, I would have to say no, even if it meant disappointing someone else. My sanity, my dreams and my desires all matter to me and because they matter, I began to love myself. I am comfortable in my own skin and I'm comfortable being me.
I'm still a private person because I believe that my business is just that - MINE and certain things aren't meant to be shared. But the people that judge me, talk about me and speculate about my life, simply don't matter. And since I've learned that lesson, I've become a happier person. When you love yourself and make you a priority, what others think about you won't matter.
